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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

2011-08-27 06:44

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would  be so simple we couldn't.

2011-08-27 06:41

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

2011-08-27 06:40

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

2011-08-27 06:39

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house  and renting an apartment.

2011-08-27 06:34

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

2011-08-27 06:25

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

2011-08-27 06:23

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

2011-08-27 06:18

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit  next to me.

2011-08-27 06:14

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

2011-08-27 05:59

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog,  it's too dark to read.

2011-08-27 05:58

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not  enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

2011-08-27 05:50

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should,  therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

2011-08-27 05:40

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he  thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them  see what Hell is like, during their lives.

2011-08-27 05:36

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

2011-08-27 05:35

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

2011-08-27 05:31

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should,  therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

2011-08-27 05:25

The role of the president of the United States is to support  the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not  up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

2011-08-27 05:21

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the  belief that one's work is terribly important.

2011-08-27 05:09

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back  on lies.

2011-08-27 05:09

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

2011-08-27 05:03

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

2011-08-27 05:03

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

2011-08-27 05:02

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

2011-08-27 04:47

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides  between success and failure.

2011-08-27 04:45

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

2011-08-27 04:39

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

2011-08-27 04:35

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

2011-08-27 04:32

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home  tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at  him

2011-08-27 04:24

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

2011-08-27 04:09

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

2011-08-27 04:09

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st  century.

2011-08-27 04:06

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed  despite their many failings.

2011-08-27 03:57

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes  can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the  foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing  a world order.

2011-08-27 03:54

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

2011-08-27 03:45

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

2011-08-27 03:42

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for  the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected  works of Francis Bacon.

2011-08-27 03:42

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

2011-08-27 03:25

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

2011-08-27 03:23

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

2011-08-27 03:17

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good  men to do nothing.

2011-08-27 03:13

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

2011-08-27 03:05

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter  Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library,  and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

2011-08-27 03:01

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded  twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms  Requiem.

2011-08-27 02:53

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying  down. The difference between sex and death is that with death  you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

2011-08-27 02:47

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

2011-08-27 02:46

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

2011-08-27 02:44

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

2011-08-27 02:38

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at  leisure.

2011-08-27 02:35

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

2011-08-27 02:25

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.